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Episode 177: Bride then groom
27th February, 2026 • Helena Kirk, Dan Faulkner and Michael Dearsley from 'Hey, I Loved that Movie!' face questions about movie materials, bumper balloons and lacklustre locations.
Transcription by Caption+
Tom:
On the set of which 1994 John Goodman film was all glassware banned? The answer to that at the end of the show. My name's Tom Scott, and this is Lateral. Our guests today are from the podcast Hey, I Loved That Movie! And as film fans, they've seen it all – plot holes, suspiciously convenient coincidences, last minute rescues, confusing endings. I have a feeling they're gonna fit right in on this podcast. First of all, please welcome Dan Faulkner.
Dan:
Hello.
Tom:
Welcome to Lateral. Tell us about the podcast.
Dan:
So the podcast premise is essentially, think of a movie that you loved as a child. Like, you watched it all the time. It might have been one of like four VHS tapes you had. You watched it religiously and you've not seen it in like 10, 20 years. Does it hold up, or is it just the nostalgia of it? Normally it's just the nostalgia.
Tom:
Normally it's just the nostalgia.
Dan:
Yeah, normally, they're not good. (giggles)
Tom:
(laughs)
Dan:
But, you know, it's harder to talk about a good movie most of the time, so... (chuckles)
Tom:
Well, let's also introduce the second member of the panel today, also from Hey, I Loved That Movie!, Helena Kirk, welcome to the show.
Helena:
Hi. Thank you for having me.
Tom:
What movies have you been looking at lately then?
Helena:
So, yeah, I think we'll have just started our— or just finished our Oscar season.
Tom:
Ooh.
Helena:
Well, sorry, the boys are looking at me blankly, but I think we discussed that.
Dan:
(giggles)
Helena:
But yeah, last— We've just done some— We've just had some great guests on. So recently for us, we had AJ from the... Cult Popture podcast. And... Yeah, we're just gearing up to watch some more bad films.
Tom:
So I'm gonna ask – you mentioned the boys. I'm gonna ask the other boy, the third member of the trio, Michael Dearsley, welcome to Lateral. What is the bad movie? Like, what's the one that you really regret watching for this podcast?
Michael:
So, yeah, no. So thank you so much for having us. Yeah, no, anyone that has listened to the podcast at any point will know it is Southland Tales.
Tom:
I've not heard of that.
Michael:
Not many people have, and I don't— You know how people go, "Oh, the film's so bad, you have to go see it"?
Tom:
Mhm.
Michael:
Don't.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Michael:
It's really not worth it. It's the— one of the first films that The Rock is known as Dwayne Johnson. Like he's credited as Dwayne Johnson. And he doesn't talk about it, which shows you how bad it is.
Tom:
Oh, okay, right.
SFX:
(Dan and Michael chuckle)
Michael:
Yeah. It is shockingly long. Nothing really happens. And the worst part is, on our podcast, that was the first episode we had a guest.
Tom:
Oh no.
Michael:
And... we were trying to work out how mean we could be about the film.
Tom:
Did the guest love that movie? Even now?
Michael:
He loved it so much. It was... painful.
Tom:
Well, very best of luck. I hope you're not gonna have that reaction to any of our questions today.
SFX:
(guests giggle in turn)
Tom:
Before we fade to black or before we greenlight any unnecessary sequels, let's roll the opening titles for question one. Thank you to Brett Curtis for this question. The Yamaha DX7 was one of the most popular synthesizers of the 1980s. The musician and producer Trent Reznor is regarded as being partly responsible for the surprisingly high prices today of this instrument. Why? I'll give you that one more time. The Yamaha DX7 was one of the most popular synthesizers of the 1980s. The musician and producer Trent Reznor is regarded as being partly responsible for the surprisingly high prices today of this instrument. Why?
Helena:
Michael, you're the music guy.
Dan:
(laughs)
Michael:
Yeah, I— okay. Who— I know the name Trent Reznor, and I know he's in a popular band.
Dan:
Nine Inch Nails.
Michael:
I can't remember which one. Is it Nine Inch Nails?
Dan:
Yeah.
Michael:
Nine Inch Nails. I couldn't work out, remember if it was like one of the members of Slipknot or that sort of thing. Nine Inch Nails.
Dan:
Got that kind of name, you know.
Tom:
I'm not sure – is he part of Nine Inch Nails, or is he Nine Inch Nails? I'm not sure if it's one of those things where the band is the guy and whoever he happens to be working with.
Dan:
I think it's entirely him and sometimes another guy.
Tom:
Okay, okay.
Michael:
(wheezes) Yeah. So he is Nine Inch Nails.
Dan:
Yeah.
Helena:
Clearly nominated the wrong person.
Dan:
(laughs)
Michael:
Yeah.
Tom:
I mean, most recently known for doing the soundtrack to the new Tron movie, I think, on Tron: Ares is a Nine Inch Nails soundtrack.
Dan:
Yeah.
Michael:
Is it? That's cool. That's very cool.
Helena:
So he's responsible for it being so expensive?
Tom:
Partly, yeah.
Michael:
He's partly responsible. What— I'm trying to work out— remember— I'm trying to work out what kind of synthesizer it is, like what kind of thing it is, because if it's... I'm thinking, did he break a lot of them? Because I know certain synthesizers and certain tech like that, there's very few of them. They don't produce... Some of them are rarer, and they don't produce them forever. I'm just wondering if he just kept breaking them, and they— since they stopped being produced, they've gone up in price.
Helena:
Yeah, I was thinking, are they expensive because he's bought all of them?
Dan:
Yeah, I was thinking had he bought like 10 of them because he's the one guy on stage, and he's got 10, he's gotta run around all of them.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Michael:
He's got so many of them. I'm glad we're all in the same place that there's very few of them left, and I— from Tom's reaction, I feel like that's completely wrong.
Tom:
It's more or less right, yes.
Michael:
Okay.
Tom:
They were very popular. They often brought them in with the band to use 'em on stage. The equipment was regularly destroyed and discarded. You're right about that, Michael. I'm gonna ask why that might be.
Helena:
Oh, is it like a fashion thing where people turn them into— 'Cause I know that I have a pet hate where people take pinball machines and turn them into coffee tables.
Tom:
Mhm.
Helena:
Is it a similar kind of thing where—
Tom:
That was a perfectly good pinball machine you've just ruined.
Dan:
(chuckles)
Helena:
Yeah. Horrifying.
Tom:
Trent Reznor does not have a collection of gutted DX7s that have been turned into something else, alas.
Helena:
Okay.
Michael:
Is it the way he uses them on stage, or is it after he uses them, that they're destroyed?
Dan:
He doesn't want you to get his fingerprints, so he smashes it. (laughs)
SFX:
(group laughing)
Dan:
Every time!
Michael:
He's really weirdly... he's weirdly careful.
Tom:
I wanna give you that one, Michael. That is... The exact phrase I have here, is that the equipment was regularly destroyed and discarded due to the nature of their energetic performances.
Michael:
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was like, they— if he was in— which is why I thought Slipknot. 'Cause I was like, if he's in Slipknot, I know they're a very...
Helena:
Angry?
Michael:
I know they're a very aggressive band on stage. I assume it is the same with Nine Inch Nails, and they just— kit just gets destroyed.
Tom:
Yeah. This is not Joe Strummer deliberately destroying his guitar at the end of the performance. This is just— I mean—
Michael:
Yeah, it's just—
Tom:
There is a YouTube video titled "nearly three minutes of Trent Reznor assaulting keyboards at Woodstock 94."
SFX:
(guests giggling)
Michael:
That's great. That's just the— This is the thing, I like— I know a couple of musicians, they will break equipment to get the right noise out of it.
Tom:
(laughs)
Michael:
It could be the most expensive equipment on the planet. They're like, yeah, but I need it to make this specific noise, and to do that, I'm gonna need to pay to get it fixed after.
Tom:
So sometimes when Nine Inch Nails is on tour, what do the producers have to do?
Helena:
Buy up all the local—
Dan:
Buy loads of them.
Michael:
Yeah.
Dan:
(giggles)
Tom:
That's quite difficult. There aren't many left.
Dan:
No.
Michael:
Do they have— oh. Do they have to go around to collect them? Do they have to go around to the collectors that own them, and buy them or rent off them?
Tom:
Yeah. They have to make public appeals to ask, "Does anyone have a DX7? Or would anyone like Trent Reznor to play it?"
SFX:
(Dan and Helena laugh)
Tom:
It's a risk, but... it will have been played by Trent Reznor.
Michael:
People that own them will jump at that. They've never had a shortage. I can tell you that.
Tom:
Each of our guests has brought a question along with them. We're gonna start with Michael, whenever you're ready.
Michael:
Okay. This question has been sent in by Bee. Branches of Card Factory in England sell balloons in the shapes of numbers. In August, there is a spike in the sales for one of these balloons. Which one, and why? Branches of Card Factory in England sell balloons in the shapes of numbers. In August, there is a spike in sales for one of these balloons. Which one, and why?
Dan:
I mean, before you mentioned the August thing, I was thinking, was it, you know, people thinking that they've got it wrong, but they can just turn the '9' upside down, and it's a '6'. (giggles)
Tom:
(laughs)
Dan:
But not quite.
Helena:
So it's kind of just after Chris— are these people born from Christmas or something like that? 'Cause I'm just doing the months backwards thing, and there's a spike— but it's just a spike in birthdays. Not just— not a spike in one particular number. First birthdays.
Tom:
Yeah, you don't put a— you don't put day-month-year up as balloons for birthdays.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Tom:
Although there is a fascinating thing that... kids born in... August or— no, kids born in September... I think are more likely to be successful footballers and successful at various things than kids born in August.
Helena:
Yeah.
Tom:
Because the UK school year starts in September. So you have the youngest and oldest in their class. Like you were either just five or you've been five for a year, and that makes a big difference.
Helena:
Yeah, especially at that early age. My niece is actually a— she's a 31st of August baby.
Tom:
Yeah.
Helena:
And now she's started school. It's like, which class? Do they let her go into the class that she's technically eligible for by one day? Or put her one— a whole year ahead?
Tom:
Which means she's the smallest in there.
Helena:
Yeah.
Tom:
Yeah. But that's not gonna be balloons. You're not gonna celebrate— Sorry, I just got distracted by statistics facts there, which is a thing I do.
SFX:
(guests giggling)
Dan:
Yeah, I was saying 'cause it's the eighth month, but like you say, you don't put the number of the balloon— you don't put— (snickers)
Tom:
No.
Dan:
Or like August in the balloons.
Tom:
So what happens in August?
Dan:
Yeah.
Helena:
And it's the UK, isn't it?
Michael:
It's not the UK. It's specifically England. It— this doesn't happen
Tom:
Oh.
Michael:
elsewhere in the UK. It just happens in England.
Helena:
Uh?
Tom:
Huh. That feels like it's a really big clue, and I've got nothing!
SFX:
(guests giggling)
Dan:
Just go on.
Helena:
So what's special about August? People go on holiday, but they don't take balloons with them.
Michael:
Really excited about those holidays.
Dan:
Yeah. (giggles)
Helena:
Why do people buy balloons? It's birthday parties.
Dan:
Yeah, especially numbered balloons. But is there a number celebration that happens in August, that none of us know about? (laughs)
Tom:
I mean, in that case it's probably a sports question. If us three don't know anything about it, my guess is it's some sports question. Is there a sport thing that happens in August that people need, like the number four to cheer on their team?
Helena:
Yeah, like World Cup, Euros, that sort of stuff tends to happen in August.
Tom:
Yeah.
Michael:
It's not just numbers in general. It's one specific number.
Helena:
Would telling us which number give it away?
Tom:
(chuckles)
Michael:
Maybe.
Helena:
Okay, well, don't tell us then.
Dan:
Okay. Well we've got 10 guesses.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Helena:
He's gonna pop a balloon for each one that we get.
Dan:
Yeah.
Michael:
I bought them here.
SFX:
(Dan and Michael giggle)
Tom:
Is someone going in and just buying a lot of these numbers?
Michael:
Yeah.
Tom:
Or a lot of people all going in and buying one of these numbers?
Michael:
So it's very specific people going in, buying a lot of the same number.
Helena:
Is it international one— well, not international, but well, 'cause it's England only. Is it like official 111 day?
Tom:
(laughs)
Helena:
Or something? I don't know. Like when we celebrate launching 111?
Michael:
More of like an institution. Like a, yeah, like an institution buying these— this number.
Helena:
Oh, okay.
Dan:
Oh, it's for— so it's for a company. It's gonna be for like a sales thing or something then maybe.
Helena:
So what companies are a number three? The phone company?
Tom:
Oh, it's the emergency services advertising 999 in August for some reason.
SFX:
(guests blurt chuckle)
Dan:
Yeah, because of fires. 'Cause they're gonna burn on the barbecue.
Tom:
It's Teletext advertising 888 subtitles. That's a joke that won't land for nearly everyone.
SFX:
(Dan and Michael laugh)
Helena:
I think I accessed Teletext once by mistake as a child, and was very confused.
Dan:
Yeah.
Tom:
Institution makes me think the royal family. Or like some celebration of the royals.
Michael:
So it's not a company.
Helena:
Okay, not a company.
Michael:
It's not a company. But it's not royal, but it's kind— Yeah, it's governmental.
Helena:
Okay.
Michael:
I can give you the institution. You'll— The thing is, if I give you any specific things now, you'll just get it immediately.
Tom:
Right? Okay. It's gonna be like a government department or something like that, but the tax year doesn't end in August.
Helena:
I'm just trying to think of things. It's not bleak, like the... you know, when women's pay equal—
Michael:
It's a really good thing.
Helena:
Okay, it's a good thing.
Michael:
It's a really, really good thing. It's a really, really good thing. It's like it's a celebratory thing.
Dan:
Especially for balloon sales. (laughs)
Helena:
The balloons make more sense than it being like, "Yay, we've reached equal payday for women."
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Tom:
And it's not royal. So it's not like King's Official Birthday or...
Helena:
And why would they have one number? Specifically?
Tom:
Right?
Helena:
Well, I suppose for the age of the, yeah.
Dan:
More zeroes. (wheezes)
Tom:
(laughs) Okay, but if it's all zeroes, that could be like an O or a... Like they could be using it for something other than a number.
Helena:
(laughs) Is it just crowd instructions to go, "Ooh"?
SFX:
(guys laughing)
Michael:
So it is a public or private institution.
Helena:
Okay. Like a school?
Michael:
Yeah, yeah, it's schools.
Tom:
But August is summer holidays, isn't it?
Dan:
Yeah. Unless they're preparing for September.
Michael:
Think early August, like early to mid August. What happens in schools, big celebratory event?
Dan:
They'll get their results for the GCSEs and everything, won't they, in the schools?
Helena:
Because it's 1 to 10 now, and 1— No, but 1 is bad.
Tom:
Oh it is!
Helena:
So is it 9?
Tom:
It's 9.
Helena:
Yeah.
Tom:
It's to celebrate 9 results.
Michael:
Correct.
Tom:
(grunts)
Dan:
Yay!
Michael:
It is the number 9 to celebrate top grades at GCSE results day.
Helena:
Ah, see, we're old enough for it to— It was A, B, C, D for us, so...
Dan:
Yeah.
Michael:
Yeah.
Tom:
A, B, C, D, E, and then I think we had U, just as ungraded, we're not—
Helena:
Yes. I got a U in my Chinese oral exam.
Tom:
Oohh!
Dan:
Oof. (laughs)
Helena:
Not that I've held onto that until...
SFX:
(group laughing)
Michael:
So the GCSE are... results are graded U thru 9 in England.
Helena:
Oh, they kept U.
Tom:
They kept U.
Dan:
Yeah.
Michael:
Yeah.
Helena:
For the trauma.
Michael:
Yeah.
SFX:
(guys chuckling)
Tom:
It's better than giving someone a zero.
Michael:
Yeah, it feels better.
Tom:
(chuckles)
Michael:
But yeah, the— So schools would buy all of the number 9— school and happy parents, I guess, would buy the number nine, because it's the highest grade. And I guess, yeah, they just wanted people to be really happy and take photos with the 9 if they get it.
Helena:
That makes sense. Yeah, I've definitely seen— 'cause even schools are on social media these days.
Tom:
Mhm.
Helena:
Which is wild. But I think even back in our day...
Tom:
(laughs)
Helena:
it was... I remember people would pose with their certificates for the local newspaper, and it would be like, you know, John Johnston's got six A-stars and is, you know, top of the class or whatever.
Dan:
Yeah, do you think they used to buy balloons that said '4', and they just tacked a bit on to make it an A for the best?
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Thank you to Paolo Mateus for this question. In 2022, the TV channel TV2 installed ten benches around Denmark. The seat is about 1.4 metres or 5 feet high. Each bench has a brass plaque. What message does this get across? I'll say that again. In 2022, the TV channel TV2 installed ten benches around Denmark. The seat is about 1.4 metres (5 feet) high. Each bench has a brass plaque. What message does this get across?
Helena:
Sorry, are you saying that they're on, like that it's on stilts? It's like five— the seat's five feet in the air?
Tom:
Basically, yeah.
Dan:
I'm assuming TV2 is a— is based in Denmark as well, and it wasn't a terrible excuse for a getaway.
SFX:
(guys laughing)
Tom:
I assume so. I'm gonna assume that's a Danish TV channel.
Michael:
Yeah, I assume something like their version of the BBC kind of thing.
Tom:
Yeah.
Dan:
Hmm.
Helena:
Yeah, and it's a message, so they want it to be, it's not... it's not gonna be like a prank.
Michael:
Why would you have tall chair— What can tall chairs represent, I guess?
Helena:
I mean, it's Scandinavia, right? Aren't they all really tall?
Dan:
Not that tall.
Michael:
That's it.
Helena:
I mean, not sit up on a five foot stool, but... they can at least lean on it.
Michael:
They finally want size-appropriate chairs.
Helena:
Or maybe it's fil— Is it fil— Is it to— It's not to be sat on, surely.
Dan:
I'm thinking, is the other brass plaques like to do with possibly... like specific TV shows, maybe? Like if it's— if there's 10 of them, maybe they're like, "Oh, these are the top 10 things that were watched from us that people sat on the sofa for." (laughs)
Helena:
Are they all equally tall?
Tom:
Uh, yes.
Helena:
Yes, okay.
Dan:
And they're in different locations as well? They're not just in one small, concentrated place?
Tom:
Yeah, around Denmark.
Michael:
Is it— so is it like an art statement, or is it like a... because that's... (chuckles) Or is it like an actual, like Dan said, like these are the shows people watched, kind of thing? Is it like a statistical thing, or is it like a— Do you reckon it would be like an art statement?
Helena:
Is it's a celebration, or is it a... commemorative...
Michael:
Yeah.
Dan:
Is there some wordplay here? And by "around Denmark", is it literally around the edge?
SFX:
(group laughing)
Dan:
Or just random places? So is it something to do with—
Helena:
I mean, it's not that flat. You can't see one bench to the other bench, just 'cause it's five foot in the air.
Tom:
No, it's the Netherlands if you want that.
Helena:
Yeah.
Dan:
Yeah. (snickers) What year was this, sorry, was that in the question?
Tom:
2022.
Dan:
Oh, okay. So it— okay. Not what I'm thinking of then, which was, it was... TV signal antenna to help...
SFX:
(group laughing)
Helena:
I was gonna say, is this on purpose? But it sounds like it's on purpose.
Michael:
It'd be really hard to do it by accident.
Helena:
That— surely once you've made the benches, even if they got the length wrong, you wouldn't install them with five foot long legs.
Tom:
You could just saw the legs off, yes.
Helena:
Yeah, that's an easy fix. So it's obviously on purpose.
Michael:
I like the idea of an engineer and a producer going, "We've built 'em now. They've gotta go out."
SFX:
(group laughing)
Helena:
So...
Michael:
They've gotta go out.
Helena:
We grew up in a— We grew up in seaside towns in England. And seaside towns absolutely love a commemorative bench.
Tom:
They do.
Helena:
To the point where Broadstairs' coastline is basically a graveyard.
Tom:
(laughs profusely)
Dan:
Yeah.
Helena:
Is it—
Tom:
You're not wrong. I've just never heard it described like that. You're right. There's just a lot of benches with someone's name on them in memorium.
Michael:
Yeah.
Helena:
Oh yeah. There— There's little room for anything else.
Dan:
(giggles)
Michael:
Yeah.
Dan:
Is it to do with like dead TV shows then? Is that what you're saying?
Helena:
But why would they make them five foot high?
Michael:
Yeah, it's the size that's weird.
Tom:
I think Helena, you've hit on something there with Denmark's coastline. It's not literally around the coastline... but that is important.
Helena:
Oh, okay.
Dan:
Oh.
Helena:
Because you've now said the thing about the sea, I think that my other idea probably isn't true, but I'll— so I'll say it anyway on the off chance. But I was thinking maybe it's kind of like a... like an art— like a message or a PSA about like, be kind to short people or maybe people with dwarfism. You can't— Just 'cause you can reach something doesn't mean other people— And as— okay, as I'm saying that out loud, that should never have been my main guess.
Tom:
Oh, but always say this out loud, because you have surprisingly hit on a couple of things there.
Helena:
Okay.
Tom:
PSA. Public service announcement, yeah. And earlier on, you said art. I think that's part of it as well.
Michael:
My thought of like a message would be like the whole seat at the table metaphor, was like where my brain went straight away. But like, eh, it's a bit vague. But it's kind of vague that like a TV show would do. Kinda like, we're doing this art statement, and it's just this sort of vague comment on society.
Tom:
Oh, not vague at all. Specific, in fact.
Michael:
Is it really specific?
Dan:
Ah, it's very specific.
Helena:
Oh, okay, I was gonna say, does it start with something elaborate, and then they get cut, and the budget's cut until... it's just a bench on stilts?
SFX:
(guys laughing)
Tom:
I mean, yeah. You've got the picture right in your head. It's a bench on stilts. Public service announcement or art project would be good. And we talked about coastline.
Michael:
Oh, is it raising sea levels?
Tom:
Yes! Yes, it is.
Helena:
Oh, amazing!
Tom:
Keep talking. What do you see in your head?
Michael:
So, I guess the idea is that that is like, in X amount of years, this is where the sea level will be, kind of thing.
Tom:
Yes. This is—
Michael:
Which is where it's like five feet— Yeah, yeah.
Tom:
This is the possible sea level rise by 2100, according to UN estimates. This is TV 2, who put out as an art, as a public service announcement, benches where your feet will no longer get wet in a few decades' time. Helena, we will get your question now, please.
Helena:
Okay. This question has been sent in by trizgo. Next to a wheel, a small compass is embedded in a table, even though it will probably never move. Why is it there? Next to a wheel, a small compass is embedded in a table, even though it'll probably never move. Why is it there?
Dan:
Terrible accident.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
Sometimes these questions have so many things to go on that you can't track them, and sometimes, it's just a wheel and a compass and a table.
Michael:
Yeah, it's just a carpentry accident.
Tom:
Wait, no, it's a wheel... and compass in a table, right? The wheel is not in the table?
Helena:
Next to a wheel...
Tom:
Yeah.
Helena:
A small compass is embedded in a table, even though it'll probably never move.
Michael:
When we say wheel, there's car wheel, but there's also ship wheel. There's steering wheel.
Helena:
Mhm. There's lots of different types. You can name more if you want.
SFX:
(Tom and Dan laugh)
Michael:
There's tractor tyres.
Tom:
It's time for Name That Wheel!
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Tom:
It's time to spin the Wheel of Wheels!
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Dan:
It's landed on the BBC TV show The Wheel.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Tom:
"Is it The Wheel?" "Yes, it is! 10 points."
SFX:
(guests giggling)
Helena:
I can confirm it is a wheel.
Michael:
We can add that. That's— Okay. Add that to the information we know.
Dan:
There's less kinds of compass, as far as I'm aware, but... (laughs)
Helena:
(snickers) I would say of the two things to try and hone in on, that's better.
Tom:
Yeah.
Michael:
Those are the three.
Tom:
'Cause you have the compass that points directions, and you have the kind of pair of compasses that you use to draw circles.
Dan:
Ah, yeah. Yes.
Michael:
Why would you embed— The thing is, why would you embed that into the table?
Dan:
Maybe the wheel you made was so perfectly round, you were just like, "Yes, bang!"
SFX:
(group laughing)
(guests cross-talk)
Helena:
I'm never gonna draw another circle. I've reached circular perfection.
Dan:
(giggles)
Michael:
This is perfect.
Tom:
You said it'd almost never move, right?
Helena:
The compass...
Tom:
The compass
Helena:
almost never moves.
Tom:
will almost never move. Okay.
Helena:
Which I think gives away which compass we're talking about here. It's not a draw circles one.
Dan:
Oh, is it by any chance, at one of the magnetic poles?
Helena:
No, not necessarily.
Dan:
Okay. Because I was thinking otherwise, it would consist— Obviously, if it's directly on the pole, in theory, it will constantly be... aiming the same way?
Tom:
No, the opposite. It will just be kind of loose.
Helena:
Yeah, wouldn't it be wiggling?
Dan:
Ah, okay, yep.
Tom:
Yeah. There's just no great magnetic thing for it to point at. I think that's how a compass behaves at the poles. I think it just kind of floats.
Helena:
Oh yeah. Let's do magnet chat.
SFX:
(guys laughing)
Michael:
Get into magnets.
Tom:
Okay. So that means the table is big and solid. The table is not being moved 'round. And it means it can't be on board a ship or something like that, 'cause... it would move. It would be doing what it's meant to do.
Helena:
Yes, it will probably never move.
Dan:
Unless it's a ship that used to move. Is it on display somewhere, and it's an old ship?
Michael:
That's what I was thinking.
Tom:
Ooh.
Michael:
Is it like a ship that was made, and never went sailing? It never got put out to sea?
Dan:
Titanic 2.
Michael:
That was my thinking.
Dan:
Because they learned.
SFX:
(group chuckling)
Dan:
They're like, we can't risk it with this one.
SFX:
(Dan and Tom laugh)
Helena:
No, nothing— Not, not a boat. Not a ship.
Dan:
Oh, okay. So it's not— 'Cause my next thought was maybe a shipwreck that... you know, it'll be there, you know. But no, not a ship. Okay.
Michael:
You just wanna get onto the Titanic, don't you Dan?
Dan:
Yeah.
SFX:
(Dan and Tom laugh)
Tom:
Oh, I hear there's a company in the US that's good for that. Do you want to...
Dan:
Yeah. Goes surprisingly well, I hear.
SFX:
(group giggling)
Tom:
Wheel. We're all thinking steering wheel or something that's vertical.
Michael:
Yeah.
Tom:
I would like to suggest a horizontal wheel.
Helena:
(nods silently)
Tom:
Something like a roulette wheel or something heavy that's also in the table, that's like a thing that spins in that axis.
Helena:
Yep.
Tom:
Okay.
Michael:
So it's a roulette wheel.
Helena:
So work through what— Why would you have a compass?
Tom:
The table's never gonna move. The roulette wheel— Oh! It's to detect cheating?
Helena:
Yes, exactly.
Tom:
Is this a casino trying to see if someone's brought in an electromagnet to steer the ball?
Helena:
Yeah, so the— Yeah, they pr— bang on. So it's to make sure that a... they don't switch out the Teflon ball, the non-magnetic ball that is used in a roulette wheel, not switched out for a magnetic one that could then be controlled.
Tom:
Wow!
Dan:
Ah.
Tom:
I did not know that casinos had Teflon balls.
SFX:
(Dan and Helena snicker)
Tom:
Could I have phrased that differently? Yes, absolutely. I refuse to.
SFX:
(Dan and Helena giggle)
Helena:
Roulette wheels can be made vulnerable to cheats via magnets. A roulette ball is traditionally made from Teflon or ivory. If scam artists swap out the ball for a metal one that reacted to the magnet, the compass would twitch as the ball spun around the wheel.
Michael:
Wow. Yeah, I get that— The thing is, that means that someone did it once. I always think when you have these kinds of things that these things put in place and regulations and stuff, I always— It always makes you think someone did that once.
Tom:
Yep.
Dan:
Yeah.
Michael:
And they had to go, "Okay, no more."
Tom:
There's a story. Every so often—
Helena:
So rather than trying to stop people from accessing the ball... they've just made it so they can detect the ball.
Michael:
Yeah.
Helena:
If the balls change. And then that— so it's always there, and it'll probably never move.
Tom:
One thing I know about roulette cheating is it's not about knowing exactly where the ball will land. 'Cause that's really obvious to detect. It's about skewing the odds ever so slightly by tilting the table just a degree, or knowing which quarter it's gonna fall in. That's enough to change the odds. I mean, you can steadily beat the casino. So, it sounds silly to have a magnetic ball. It's not about attracting the ball to one place. It's gonna be about attracting it to a quarter of the board. Just changing the odds a little. Good luck with the next one. The outskirts of Ousefleet in the East Riding of Yorkshire has been described as 'Britain's emptiest experience'. Other than a field, an electricity pylon, and a few trees, it looks like much of England. What has put Ousefleet on the map? I'll say that again. The outskirts of Ousefleet in the East Riding of Yorkshire has been described as 'Britain's emptiest experience'. Other than a field, an electricity pylon, and a few trees, it looks like much of England. What has put Ousefleet on the map?
Michael:
Is it emotionally empty?
Helena:
I was gonna— Yeah. I don't think it's done a very good job, whatever it is, because I have never heard of Ousefleet. Can we get a spelling? 'Cause I really want to know if it's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ooze, or if it's like a U-Z sort of thing.
Tom:
Oh, it's the river. O-U-S-E.
Helena:
O-U-S-E.
Tom:
Somewhere nearby is the River Ouse.
Michael:
Yeah.
Helena:
Ouse.
Tom:
Yes. One of the River Ouses. There's more than one.
Helena:
You wouldn't wanna get in it.
SFX:
(Tom and Dan laugh)
Dan:
No, it doesn't feel nice. You say it's
Helena:
Empty.
Dan:
a lonely outskirts, empty.
Tom:
Yeah, Britain's emptiest experience.
Michael:
Empty.
Dan:
Empty. So I'm— Is it to do with... obviously the geographical location of... I was thinking, it's not the most inland. Because I know that's a little bit further south from that, but is it the furthest from... the one point in England that is furthest from any other... village or town or anything?
Tom:
I'd keep thinking along those lines, yeah.
Helena:
Experience makes it sound like this is some sort of day out that you can do, or something that people sort of check off, like, "Oh yeah, I've done this. I've done Britain's loneliest" or... "I've been to the emptiest part of Britain." And people are like, "Ooh, tell us more. That sounds really exciting."
Michael:
Yeah, that sounds thrilling.
Tom:
We're definitely along the right lines here, yes.
Michael:
Okay.
Helena:
But it has electricity. Or at least a pylon.
Tom:
It has a pylon, yes. You're definitely circling the answer here, but there's... (sighs) there's something more special about that.
Michael:
So it's— if it's the furthest away from something, I assume...
Tom:
No. Furthest away is the bit where you're wrong.
Helena:
Okay.
Michael:
Oh yeah?
Tom:
But you're certainly in the right area.
Helena:
Is it the biggest expanse of... flat? But the— Yorkshire is not... flat. Maybe it is by the coast?
Tom:
(snickers) Not quite, no.
Helena:
So it's not like the furthest you can see all around, sort of to the horizon there being nothing?
Tom:
No, there's definitely other stuff. You'd need something else with you to tell what's special here.
Dan:
Hmm.
Helena:
A torch? Is it underground?
Tom:
I can tell you it's eight miles north of Scunthorpe.
Michael:
Ah, that'll be it then.
Helena:
Oh, let's go.
Michael:
Yeah.
SFX:
(guys giggling)
Helena:
What was the word used? Emp-a-ty. Emptiest experience.
Michael:
Yeah. Empty is what's getting— yeah. So it's not the furthest from anything.
Tom:
No.
Helena:
I was gonna say. It's not like there's no 5G, because that's... Well, there's just no transmittable signals.
Tom:
There's something special about... that bit. And you would need something else there to really work out where you need to be.
Helena:
Not a compass in a table.
Tom:
Not a compass, but you know, that might help.
Michael:
Was it never on a map, until recently?
Tom:
Now we're very close.
Dan:
Ah.
Tom:
Very close, yes. The thing you'd need is a map.
Michael:
Yeah, 'cause when you said something put it on the map, was that— if that's literal?
Tom:
That is quite literal, yes. Specifically an Ordnance Survey map. Britain's mapping agency. And... I dunno. I got taught about OS maps in school. I dunno if any of y'all did. But if you think back to those—
Helena:
Bronze Duke of Edinburgh.
Tom:
Eyy! Oh, then, you definitely have the knowledge required to solve this one.
Helena:
Ooh, okay. Let's not... Let's not get hasty here.
SFX:
(group giggling)
Helena:
I may have once possessed the knowledge. Well, I know the old Ordnance Survey map loves... They have the height on them. And the— what type of w— how— if it's marshland, or what kind of— what you're standing on. And they love a symbol. I remember we did have to memorise what all the different symbols were.
Tom:
Yep.
Dan:
Was there one for pylon? (snickers)
Tom:
There is one for pylon. Yes.
Helena:
'Cause that's a useful thing actually, because it's big and there, and you should be able to see where it is in— which is what an Ordnance Survey map's all about, is to help you...
Tom:
Mhm.
Helena:
you know, get lost in Deal if you're doing Bronze Duke of Edinburgh.
Tom:
(laughs) You've got the symbols. You've got the contour lines. There's something else, on not just OS maps, but a lot of maps.
Helena:
Roads? Rivers?
Tom:
Not a feature, just part of the map.
Dan:
Oh, like the measurements on it. Is it what's used to be like, this is an exact mile? Like this is the— comparatively to what is... in real life to the map? (chuckles)
Helena:
Is it covering it? Is the— is that thing covering that spot on the map?
Tom:
(blurts hesitant chuckle)
Dan:
(wheezes)
Tom:
Quite the opposite.
Dan:
(laughs) Okay.
Tom:
And you're close with the ruler on the side. I'm sure there's a— The scale. That's it. You're close with the scale on the side of the map. There's something else that loads of maps have, particularly these ones for hiking and things like that. 'Cause you need to tell the distance, aside from that scale.
Dan:
Oh, it's in a grid, yeah.
Tom:
It's in a grid. That is a key thing, Dan. So...
Dan:
Yes.
Tom:
We've got that this is Ousefleet. We've got, this is the emptiest experience, and that it's something to do with the national map grid.
Dan:
Is it the only one that's got nothing in it? (giggles)
Tom:
Dan, yes! It's not the o— It's not quite the— But I'm gonna give you that. The Ordnance Survey divides up the country into square kilometres. That's the grid system. That's the Eastings and Northings that at least British kids will have learned in school. And in 2001, A BBC radio show set out to find the most boring place in the country.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Tom:
And Dan, you are right. This is the— it's not quite empty, but this is the grid square with the least stuff in it.
Dan:
Because it's got one pylon, and that's it.
Tom:
It has an electricity line, a couple of pylons, and then other than that, it is a completely blank Ordnance Survey map square that looks like there is an error in the map.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Michael:
Amazing.
Tom:
Yep, this is the square kilometre with the least features, southeast of Ousefleet in Yorkshire. Dan, whenever you're ready, it's your question please.
Dan:
So this question has been sent in by Emily Hiatt, and it is: During dinner, a woman tells her granddaughter, "The groom always follows the bride". What does she want? During dinner, a woman tells her granddaughter, "The groom always follows the bride". What does she want?
Tom:
Wow!
Helena:
So I'm sort of picturing like an old lady who's used to bossing around underlings.
SFX:
(guys laughing)
Helena:
And being like...
Michael:
Okay.
Helena:
"You should now know what I mean, because I've said this cryptic thing to you, five-year-old girl. And it means fetch me wine" or... I don't know. Something like that. "Bring me new slippers."
Michael:
It does sound like an idiom.
Tom:
Mm.
Dan:
Yeah, the first one you said there, Helena was... It's related to that kind of thing.
Tom:
Okay.
Helena:
Have we just not been to very many traditional weddings? Because as a bride once myself, that... That wasn't said when I went. Maybe it happened though, if they brought— What would I— I mean, follow him out the room?
Tom:
Yeah, that's actually— that's not an accurate idiom, is it? The groom and bride walk out together?
Helena:
Well, yeah, famously.
Dan:
It's not actually to do with weddings.
Tom:
Okay.
Michael:
Yeah.
Helena:
Is it a bit like men— like women before men, kind of like, you open the door to...
Dan:
So in this exact scenario, the bride and groom aren't people. Huh?
Helena:
We forgot to ask the main— that— That's an important question to always establish, isn't it?
Tom:
Yes, it is! I forgot that. I've been doing this show for 100 and whatever episodes. Always check if they're human, always.
Michael:
Yeah, always check they're people.
Helena:
Bride always—
Tom:
But at dinner.
Dan:
Yes.
Tom:
So in my head, this is a traditional etiquette thing. This is something that is the right thing to do.
Helena:
Okay.
Tom:
When you have the dowager countess around for dinner, the groom always follows the bride.
Michael:
I'm thinking, is it— it could— If it's not main etiquette, if it's not actual proper etiquette, if it's like a colloquialism of etiquette, if you get what I mean. So... My brain went to salt and pepper. That kind of thing.
Tom:
Oh?
Michael:
Like salt is the groom, and pepper is the... the bride. And if in etiquette, if there's a—
Helena:
No, other way around, surely, because salt is white. Like...
Michael:
Yeah. So if it's an idiom for a thing on the table, if that's salt and pepper, you have the bride being salt and the groom being pepper. 'Cause you always put salt first.
Tom:
Do you?
Michael:
I— assuming in— Not that I've ever taken an etiquette class, as you can tell.
SFX:
(both laughing)
Michael:
As anyone could tell that's met me. Yeah, I assume there's probably a right way to do it, in the same way that they have 18 different forks that—
Tom:
(cackles)
Helena:
Yeah. So you must add your salt and then your pepper.
Michael:
And then your pepper?
Dan:
Yes.
Helena:
So maybe she's already salt— maybe she's asking, which one do you want? Pass me the...
Michael:
Yeah.
Helena:
seasonings, and the girl's like, "Oh, which one do you want?" And rather than be nice and explain, "Please can I have the salt?"
Tom:
(laughs heartily)
Michael:
Rather than be normal about it.
Helena:
This absolute grouch of a lady goes, "Bride always follows the groom!"
Dan:
Yes. So you are actually correct there.
SFX:
(Tom and Dan laugh)
Tom:
You were all so in sync. And I did not make the connection that the groom wears a dark suit. So the pepper. The bride is wearing white. So salt. I hadn't— I only just figured that out!
Dan:
Yes. And that is correct. She wants the pepper. (giggles) Because that is... the groom following the bride.
Michael:
Yeah. Except if you say that to a child, the child will continue to stare at you.
SFX:
(Dan and Tom laugh)
Michael:
And... probably have a little bit of a panic.
Tom:
So, all that remains in the episode is the quick question from the start of the show. Thank you to Trevor Cashmore for sending this in. On the set of which 1994 John Goodman film was all glassware banned? Anyone from the movie podcast wanna take a shot at the movie question?
Michael:
Oh, no.
Helena:
Calling us out.
Dan:
My first thought was...
Michael:
Oh no.
Dan:
Is it Flintstones?
Tom:
Why do you think that?
Dan:
'Cause they use rocks instead.
SFX:
(group laughing)
Dan:
It was that or something incredibly dangerous, but I dunno, maybe 'cause the entire set's made of styrofoam. (giggles) They don't want it being cut.
Tom:
Good news, you're right. Bad news, I'm therefore changing the question. Why was glassware banned on the set of the 1994 John Goodman film, The Flintstones?
Dan:
(chuckles) Had a horrible violent streak.
SFX:
(guests laughing)
Michael:
Is it in case it got in shot? Is there just no glassware on that film?
Dan:
Is it 'cause they're never wearing shoes?
Tom:
Correct! The Flintstones do not wear shoes. Shoes had not been invented in stone age Bedrock. So glass was banned from the set, because the cast was spending so much of their time barefoot. The director, Brian Levant, accidentally stepped on the foot of Elizabeth Taylor, who had a role in the film. She reassured him not to worry about it, but came back with bandages wrapped around her foot, limping around the set dramatically and winked at the crew while playing up her injury just to make the director feel bad.
Dan:
(laughs)
Tom:
So yes, glassware was banned on The Flintstones because the cast were all barefoot. Thank you very much to our— You know what? I don't know if our players are barefoot or not. I'm gonna assume you are. Thank you very much to our players. Michael Dearsley, what's the podcast? What's it about?
Michael:
So our podcast is Hey, I Loved That Movie!, or @HILTMpod everywhere. We rewatch old movies we watched when we were kids. See if they still hold up. Most of the time they don't. And most of the time it's because... there's some shocking thing that has aged terribly.
SFX:
(Michael and Dan chuckle)
Tom:
Where can people find the podcast, Helena?
Helena:
You can find us at @HILTMpod. That's H-I-L-T-M-Pod. And you can find me as well, on Instagram at HelenaKarenKirk. We are also on TikTok, and we have a Discord.
Tom:
And what sort of movies have you covered recently, Dan Faulkner?
Dan:
So the last one we recorded was actually the South Park movie, Bigger, Longer & Uncut...
SFX:
(Tom and Michael chuckle)
Dan:
which has far more swearing than this podcast. We've also recently done Spider-Man 2; Paws, which was a.. Australian movie where Billy Connolly voiced a dog; and we also, if you go back to—
Helena:
A really horny dog.
Dan:
Yes, if you go back to the summer last year, we had a themed month of "August-in Powers", where unfortunately we watched all three Austin Powers movies.
Tom:
And if you wanna know more about this show, you can do that at lateralcast.com, where you can also send in your own ideas for questions and join Producer David's Lateral Producer's Club. We are at @lateralcast basically everywhere, and there are weekly episodes in full video on Spotify. Thank you very much to Dan Faulkner.
Dan:
Woo-hoo.
Helena:
(cracks up)
Tom:
Helena Kirk.
Helena:
Thank you for having me.
Tom:
Michael Dearsley.
Michael:
Thank you for having all of us.
Tom:
I've been Tom Scott, and that's been Lateral.
Episode Credits
| HOST | Tom Scott |
| QUESTION PRODUCER | David Bodycombe |
| EDITED BY | Julie Hassett at The Podcast Studios, Dublin |
| MUSIC | Karl-Ola Kjellholm ('Private Detective'/'Agrumes', courtesy of Epidemic Sound) |
| ADDITIONAL QUESTIONS | Emily Hiatt, trizgo, Bee, Trevor Cashmore, Brett Curtis, Paulo Mateus |
| FORMAT | Pad 26 Limited/Labyrinth Games Ltd |
| EXECUTIVE PRODUCERS | David Bodycombe and Tom Scott |